A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
How many phyciatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But the lightbulb has to want to change.
What did the tree say to the mountain?
Stop peaking at me.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT KNOWS KARATE? PORKCHOP!
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A DINOSAUR WITH EXPLOSIVES? "DYNO-MITE"
WHY DID THE THE SAND GET WET? BECAUSE THE SEA "WEED"
WHAT'S BRUCE LEE'S FAVOURITE DRINK?!?!? WATAAAARRRRRR!!!!!
what do you call a deaf man? it doesn't matter, he won't hear you.
what do lawyers wear to work? Law-Suits!
what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef!
I drank 8 cokes today... I burped 7-up
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
Cause he's the fungi!!!!!! (fun guy :D)
whats brown and smells like honey?
Favoite cheesy joke- Why couldn't the little boy go see the pirate movie? Because it was rated ARRRRRRR
a lion would never cheat on his wife but a tiger wood!!!
wots green and turns red at a flick of a switch?? a frog in a microwave !!
Just read in the paper how someone pickpocketed a midget...how could anyone stoop so low?
If the Mona Lisa didn't do anything wrong, then why is she locked up and surrounded by security?
She was framed
Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny was arrested?
Yeah, he was charged with battery.
Customer: Hello, may I have a pound of walnuts? Cashier: Sure, go NUTS! BAHAHAHAHA!!!
What did the German police officer say to his bellybutton?
You are under a vest!
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street. A pol...ice car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."